Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Dividing Camels

A man in Arabia died, leaving his estate—consisting of 17 camels— to his three sons. Before passing, he told them that it was his will that the eldest receive 1/2 of the camels, the second eldest to receive 1/3rd of the camels, and the youngest to receive 1/9th of the camels.

Upon convening to divide their inheritance between them, the three sons were perplexed with the dying words of their father; 17 camels are not divisible by 2, nor by 3, nor by 9. They wished to honor their father's last wish, but it appeared that their father had made a mistake.

When it seemed that no one could be allotted their rightful inheritance, they brought their problem before an old woman whom they all trusted to make a fair judgement of how they should proceed. However, she was also unable to find a fair way to divide the 17 camels amongst them. This old woman had a good heart, and seeing that she could not help them otherwise, she insisted that they allow her to give them her own camel.

The brothers accepted reluctantly, and again began to discuss their plight. Now, with one more camel to divide they sat down to do the math once again.

One half of the 18 camels would go to the eldest son. He took 9 camels.
One third of the 18 camels would go to the second eldest son. He took 6 camels.
One ninth of the 18 camels would go to the youngest son. He took 2 camels.

The remaining camel? They returned it to the old woman.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

"To thine own self be true"

This posting is going to be different.

I'm going to be different.

I realized recently that I am very discontented with who I am; I am not aligned with my own values. Sure, sure, you've heard me rant about it before on here, how I am continuously trying to weed out the things about myself that I don't like. Overcoming selfishness has been a big theme in my life for the past few years. I have this theory that just about every breakdown in communication, every impasse, every altercation, comes from selfishness. If we were all a little less selfish— if we could see outside ourselves for a moment (which is immensely difficult in the moment, granted), I think we would all find that life is less of a struggle. While we sit by—taking it easy, nursing our own aches— there is someone sliding from their vantage, dangling on a precipice, calling out for help.

The truth is, several months ago, I made an unconscious decision to be completely selfish. It wasn't decided in those terms... which is exactly what let the attitude settle in. The thought was something like this 'I am tired'. And slowly, as occasions would arise, I would identify what was making me so tired.

'Tired of meeting expectations', 'tired of being let down', 'tired of being accountable', 'tired of taking the fall', 'tired of hoping and praying', 'tired of pretense','tired of sharing...' 

Then I came to the conclusion that I just was too tired to care. So I stopped.

And now I have become disgusted with who I am. I am self-indulgent, judgmental, and non-compassionate, self-serving, lazy and unmotivated.

As I write this, I am watching the first rays of dawn trinkle through my window, and I have yet to sleep. I spent the entire night tinkering with my camera, trying to perfect a new technique. Wait— not the entire night. I also set 3 new speed records on Minesweeper. I am Evan's complete embarrassment. 

So now I commit to getting back to that place I was at, and striving to attain that place I want to be. I worry people when I say this, but I honestly feel that time is a factor in fulfilling my dreams. As I enrolled in spring classes, I came to the realization that I was committing 4 more months of my life to the pursuit of a degree that I don't actually feel I will have much time to "use" before I die. Sounds melodramatic even to me, but this inkling comes from a tried and trusted sense that I've never really been able to explain. 
All the more reason for me to be the person I want to be.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Here We Go Again

It's that time again.

I am ready to spin the globe.

It's a rule: You must cover your eyes when you spin the globe. I want to cover my eyes, plug my nose, clench my jaw til my ears ring, clench my fists til my fingers numb, hold my breath til I'm bursting... and spin that globe.

Sound overly-dramatic?

I do catch myself doing all of the above, though perhaps not all at the same time. I am so frustrated. I mean frustrated in the sense that my plans are at a standstill.

Cover my eyes because I'm surrounded by evidence of failures, and to see in my mind's eye where I want to be.

Plug my nose because I'm surrounded by the pungent odor of dead dreams, relationships, stagnant projects, and a future in waste management.

My ears, because every song reminds me of a conversation, a moment, a laugh, etc. I CANNOT stay here.

Clenched fists? because, I suppose, despite all my aspirations of Zen, I am still full of bad energy.

Holding my breath is one way I can more clearly envision my goals. I've been living with myself for 26 years, and I always manage to blunder my dreams. Sometimes, I like to pretend I'm not right there, breathing down my neck, waiting to ruin my plans.

Is 26 too late to start completely over?


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

So... Installment art.

I have an idea for the most beautifully awesome installment art.

But I would need a place to put it, most preferably indoors. It would potentially be 3-4 stories tall, and I can't even begin to estimate cost. But man, I would love to make it a reality. Obviously, as an artist, I am too paranoid to actually let my concept out into the unknown universe. but I think this particular piece of art would actually be the art of aesthetics, and synergy. Utilizing the talents of several different artisans, from painters, to wood workers, to audio design, to textiles... I would love to make it happen.

So where does one start in looking for sponsorship and "hosting" of installment art? I would probably be able to find all the artists myself. and get an engineer on board to make my vision possible....

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The World is Floating

You know that sensation when you try and reach a high shelf? rarely used muscles are stretched, and you become aware that you've pretty much been living at eye-level for the past who-knows-how-long.

I haven't had that sensation in a long time.

When you think about it, the world turns indifferently of whether or not you think about it.

I can't think of anything to write, but I feel like writing. Strike that. I want to write about something else but I can't bring myself to do so--hence, word-vomit.

I'm thinking about making a to-do list. If I were to type it up, it would read as follows.

1. clean my room
2. do my laundry
3. sell all my valuables
4. find some prospect for the next couple of months (cruise to the bahamas, chill.)
5. plan my next move from there.

My thoughts are these: If I am going to do any sort of off-shore sailing any time soon, I'm going to have to jump in with both feet. I could plan and budget for a boat that meets my needs, but I know myself too well... 1 of 2 things could come of that: Either I would become impatient and purchase a boat that doesn't fit my needs, but fits my budget and availability (NOW) requirements; or I will NEVER be able to afford the boat I want because I will always hold out for something a little better, and consequentially a little more expensive. I will be an old man before I ever get to live my dream, and that, my friends, is quite simply a nightmare to me.

I came across (okay, I launched a determined search for..,) a guy who sails from Ft Lauderdale to the Bahamas and the Key Islands about 3 times per season, and takes on a new crew of experienced and unexperienced sailors each time. Each voyage is about 15 days long, and he charges about $700 per trip + food. I'm tempted to sell my meager possessions and go on two of those expeditions. Maybe even just one would do. If I were able to, during the voyage/stay, make connections with someone else doing something similar (or possibly just someone short-handed, willing to take me on) I would be thrilled to do it. Also, at that price I am getting 15 days of actual sailing at sea, as opposed to a 7-day cruise, where I don't really get the feeling that I'm on the water, so much as on a building surrounded by water... :)

Mostly, I am thinking that the likelihood that I will get experience, and eventually a boat, is drastically increased if I'm actually AT sea, surrounded by people who know people and places.

I just have to make my mind up.


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Final Report

Moved into new address. So far, so good. Unpacking is slow-going; I can't be too loud, the downstairs neighbors are very suspicious of me, and I don't care to get off to a bad start. They are possibly Jewish—I cannot say for certain. They only poked their noses out when I began bringing in boxes. All in all, I think this place will be good for me. It's a quiet neighborhood.

Day 2 in new apartment. I got an early start on unpacking. Need to get those little wall adapters for power cables with ground prongs... at least this place has electricity at all. The previous tenant never had the power turned off... very suspicious. There is a grocery store on the corner, but I don't think I'll shop there. It seems too much of a community spirit there. I can shop at the super-mart on #### street. Returned to find a plate of brownies from my new neighbors down the hall, the "Pulsiphers". Took them inside but immediate disposed of them. Upon reflection, I should have just left them on the floor outside my door. I hope everyone isn't this friendly.

Basically Completely moved in, only to find I may have to move yet again: there is a man moving into a facing apartment across the street, one floor higher than mine. It is definitely not the same man as before. I noticed him last night while I was listening to my music (through headphones, obviously. Some of the other tenants here still don't know I've moved in.) When I suddenly felt the urge to look out my window. Sure enough, he was unloading boxes from the back of a Volvo 760. It is blue, I think it is an '83. I'm going on best guesses because I cannot, at this point, go to he library. At any rate, it seems to be burning oil (judging by the sooty back hatch, above the tailpipe). Back to New Guy: He only had one load of boxes. He then parked his car in the parking garage on ####, Which is still within view, he must not suspect I was watching. I turned off the lights in my apartment and "made my bed". I sat on the floor in the kitchen for about 3 hours and sure enough, he came to window and looked out. He is a tall man, probably in his 40's. He wears glasses. When the opportunity came, I moved to the bathroom. I will sleep here tonight.

Bright morning, loud in the streets. Monday. The New Guy gets an early start to his day. He left around 5:30AM. I am making plans to "one-up" him when he returns. First, I have to go shopping. Stockpile enough to last me 1 month. I will set up for surveillance on the roof. 6:36PM. Procured enough sustenance to last 3 weeks. New Guy arrived at about (exactly) 4:50PM. spent most of his time in the living area, he didn't draw back the curtains like he did last night. He left at 6:21PM. I continued to watch, in case he was trying to fake me out. Hopefully the next few days will establish a pattern that I may work around.

New Guy left his "home" at the same time today. Not surprised. I have made a cache of provisions and weapons, as well as a safe place to store my documents. I have an uneasy feeling about this New Guy. He seems so unconcerned.

If I must move again, I will leave everything here and start over completely. I will have to move further this time. I will disclose the new location as per enemy evasion protocol...

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57641179 0117 03 51947. 5617 51112111113 3012 680117 9 0645 1111740117 736111179 570537.

51711671017 465 83501773 0359312673. 111177 76153 173553556124 177365111235 70 9123113177 569711123. 012117151179 7075 03 3711105 117 91239612671017.

680117 70 56111 033 1774 7337 46170. 111177 74317 50175111773 46170 111174 *12310*

5191713156177 7055 03 87000. 573391179

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Healing Hands For Haiti/ Utah Hospital Task Force

Greetings generous donors,

On behalf of the Healing Hands for Haiti International Foundation, I would personally like to thank you for your generosity at this critical time. You are wonderful examples of the human spirit. I would really love to send each of you a personal thank you letter, but logistically this would be impossible given the number of you wonderful donors. Therefore, may this impersonal email convey the sincere appreciation we as a board feel for you at this time. You will never know the impact these funds will have on many Haitians lives. Healing hands for Haiti is a 501(C)3 charitable foundation, so your contributions are tax deductable. For donations under $250.00, your PayPal receipt or your cancelled check will be sufficient proof of contribution. For those of you donating $250.00 or more, I will be sending you an official receipt.

The Healing Hands for Haiti International Foundation has made significant strides to provide aid to the suffering Haitians at this time. We currently have two medical professionals from our board of directors on the ground in Haiti. Dr. Jeff Randle, just returned after a week of service. To see the efforts and experiences of Dr. Jeff Randle, go to his blog at http://www.chiefhhh.blogspot.com.

As many of you know, Steve Studdert has coordinated a major relief effort in partnership with the Healing Hands for Haiti International Foundation. Many of you have contributed to this Utah Hospital Task Force through Healing Hands for Haiti, we thank you for these donations. Those for whom you have contributed are scheduled to travel this week and will have a life changing experience as the assist in the relief efforts in Haiti.

Although all 7 of the buildings on our property have been completely destroyed, or rendered uninhabitable, we have opened up our campus as a safe haven for two orphanages that were destroyed near our facilities. Additionally, our compound will be used by humanitarian groups for weeks to come.

In the 10 year existence of the Healing Hands for Haiti International Foundation we never imagined such a devastating blow to the people and country that we love and serve. I want to assure you that your funds will be used appropriately in the care of these great people and the rebuild of their beautiful country. To stay apprised of our efforts, follow us at our website- www.healinghandsforhaiti.org.

Thank you again,

Trent Goddard
Healing Hands for Haiti International Foundation