Saturday, October 16, 2010

Here We Go Again

It's that time again.

I am ready to spin the globe.

It's a rule: You must cover your eyes when you spin the globe. I want to cover my eyes, plug my nose, clench my jaw til my ears ring, clench my fists til my fingers numb, hold my breath til I'm bursting... and spin that globe.

Sound overly-dramatic?

I do catch myself doing all of the above, though perhaps not all at the same time. I am so frustrated. I mean frustrated in the sense that my plans are at a standstill.

Cover my eyes because I'm surrounded by evidence of failures, and to see in my mind's eye where I want to be.

Plug my nose because I'm surrounded by the pungent odor of dead dreams, relationships, stagnant projects, and a future in waste management.

My ears, because every song reminds me of a conversation, a moment, a laugh, etc. I CANNOT stay here.

Clenched fists? because, I suppose, despite all my aspirations of Zen, I am still full of bad energy.

Holding my breath is one way I can more clearly envision my goals. I've been living with myself for 26 years, and I always manage to blunder my dreams. Sometimes, I like to pretend I'm not right there, breathing down my neck, waiting to ruin my plans.

Is 26 too late to start completely over?


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