Thoughts on Self-improvement.

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately... "know thyself".

Someone the other day said "you know when you were a kid, and it felt like everyone was constantly watching you?..."

But the funny thing is, I experience this sensation constantly. Especially when I'm working, and I notice someone is watching me... I go back to my work, and try to ignore them, but I have this sense that there's still a set of eyes on me. eventually I'll look up, and almost ALWAYS they are nowhere to be seen. Sometimes they have even gotten in their cars and left. It made me wonder if there's something in me that believes that I'm just so interesting that I couldn't imagine someone not wanting to just sit and watch me... some sort of subconscious ego.

Anyway, ever since I've noticed this, I have been pondering the possibility that how I perceive myself may not be what someone else sees at all. And that makes me wonder which of us is right.

On more than one occasion, I have been mistaken in my judgment of others, supposing them to have a selfish end in mind when they gave me false information, never imagining that they may have simply erred or misheard. I was quick to judge, and my judgment was harsh.

I learned a trick recently that not only makes sure that I don't find myself unfairly accusing, but allows me to take a look at myself, and perhaps find some room for improvement. it goes like this.

When I begin to accuse someone of something, or to imagine their faults and flaws, I take a moment to identify what exactly I am attributing to them: laziness, vanity, stubbornness, arrogance... it could be any number of things.

Then, instead of deciding for myself that I have judged this person accurately, I sincerely search myself, to see if I am not equally as guilty. I'm almost never innocent. And, since being a hypocrite doesn't help matters at all, I find it hard to state my accusations.

Something I'm NOT good at, is taking an honest look at myself before I'm ready, as when someone else points out my faults. Call me shy, but I don't like feeling eyes upon me when I'm stripped of my pride. I imagine the Emperor's response to the matter-of-fact child who informed him he was in the buff went something like this "(...oh my!) STOP LOOKIN' AT ME THEN!" It hurts to be accused, and it's uncomfortable. My mental response is strangely similar to Adam and Eve, who beheld their nakedness and were ashamed, my instinct is to cover my nakedness... or my flaws. I'm working on being able to see the opportunity to address my faults in total honesty with myself, and those who are brave enough to tell me the truth when they see me parading about in blissful oblivion.