Friday, June 26, 2009

One for Sorrow

I really want to write something tonight, but nothing is really coming to me. Nothing noteworthy or remarkable. I'm sure I could write a self-deprecating poem, a lament on the past.

That's really all that's on my mind lately, Perspectives. How true it is that hindsight is 20/20.

Sometimes, when I'm people-watching (something I tend to do quite a bit), I try to imagine what the world looks like through their eyes. That entails seeing from all types of perspective; Physical, emotional, intellectual... And beyond that, I find myself contemplating the difference between them and myself. It's really overwhelming to try and do since, obviously, as an observer, I cannot really consider anything outside of my perspective in any sort of validating way. I can try and imagine that someone has an aversion to mushrooms, or the color black, or the taste of water in an unfamiliar city... but it all filters through my own experiences, and certain residue of myself inevitably corrupts a clear understanding.

I can remember a time when I saw bright, vibrant colors everywhere I looked. Now, most of the time, I feel like I am seeing the world through a dirty lens. Maybe my eyeballs need a good scrubbing. Can they do that? I guess they probably can, with lasers and whatnot...

I also remember when I was so emotionally volitile, that a song could physically affect me. I guess you (yes you) may be able to relate when I say "that first crush feeling". Like when you drink 7up, and you get a "bubble in your nose", except it's a sensation that spreads through your entire body. I don't experience that often at all anymore, but I used to get that feeling just thinking about someone. Just thinking about thinking about someone, you know? An old mix tape from a girl you barely know... when I was 12 or 13, pop music stations could put me through so many different emotions, even in a single hour. One song would say "I'll love you more with every breath..." and I was swept up in the concept... like I went from "bubbles-through-my-nervous-system" to being pumped full of helium. Yet, the next song would have a melody that just sounded sad. All I can describe the feeling as--have you ever nearly drowned? where you're anticipating your lungs collapsing. Or have you been on the bottom of a dog-pile? where you could swear your heart stopped beating. yeah. that.

I'll probably take this down tomorrow.
thanks for reading.


Tara Bishop said...

This blog made me feel all of the emotions exactly as you described... and made me think of what triggers them. wow.

whirlygirl said...

This reminded me of when I was in my early/mid teens, watching Katie get excstatic about a popsicle and realizing that was the same set of emotions I felt when I realized I'd get to see a boy I liked...emotions are a strange thing.