I'm not racist, but....

I find that when people begin with that line, the next thing they say is almost DEFINITELY going to be a racist comment.

I say "almost definitely" because this post is the exception. I just put that title to get your attention.

I think everyone is aware (maybe on a subconscious level) that that particular disclaimer is a false representation of the ensuing commentary. That's why I suspect, instead of shrugging off the comment as an untruth, people perk up to listen intently to whatever this "not racist" has to say. Because they know it's going to be racist. and their minds start prepping to attack or retort. Sorry to let you down.

Anyway.... how about them ethnic people?

Okay, here's what's on my mind.

Do people SERIOUSLY not wash their hands after using the bathroom?! are you kidding me? I thought people became conscious of this in jr. high...

about 4 years ago, I was at this kids house and he said something about it being stupid to wash hands after using the bathroom. "I don't wash my hands every time I touch my elbow..." was his arguement "how is it any different€?" I wasn't aware that his elbow was an outlet for human waste...

So today, I'm using the bathroom and there's a guy standing at the urinal, it's a small bathroom with two urinals and a stall, so for certain reasons I decided the stall(I was going to make a little joke there... but it wouldn't be appropriate and it would betray my secret identity).

When I exited the stall there wasn't a soul in sight. The kid hadn't flushed, and he hadn't washed his hands (I'm trusting my ears). what tha heck? are you serious? the kid's in college... wow.

So I'm racist against people who don't wash their hands after the bathroom.

got 8 minutes? you should listen to this conversation with a telemarketer from youtube.



and finally, I'm planning on entering the Insomnia Film Festival. You get 24 hours to write, shoot, edit and submit a 3-minute video with certain assigned elements. The kid heading it up approached me about it last night.

The start date is November 15 at 9AM, and thhe due date is November 16 at 9:00AM. I'm going to be the cinematographer.

anyway, this is where YOU (yes, you) come in. On November 21 Voting begins. I will be posting this video on every outlet I can, and definitely I'll have a link posted here. I need as many people as I can to watch and rate our video, if we get in the top 25 we get screened by several big wigs in the industry. If we take first, we each get a macbook and software package, and fame. If you have any suggestions on where to post my video or links to it, please let me know. And please help me spread the word and get as many votes as possible between November 21st and the 7th of December. I'm sure we'll make a full account of the project soon after it's completion. I will probably make a post announcing the prop requirements and locations we need/want as soon as we get the assignment and I would appreciate any help you can give. you have a couple of weeks to prepare yourself to help me out in a big way. please don't forget!

Evn

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Alaska
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Been to Disneyland
7. Climbed a mountain
8. Held a praying mantis
10. Bungee jumped
11. Watched a lightning storm
12. Taught yourself an art from scratch
13. Adopted a child
14. Had food poisoning
15. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
16. Slept on an overnight train
15. Had a pillow fight
18. Hitch hiked
19. Built a snow fort
20. Run a Marathon
21. Watched a sunrise or a sunset
22. Hit a home run
23. Been on a cruise
24. Seen Niagara Falls in person
25. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
26. Seen an Amish community
27. Taught yourself a new language
28. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
29. Gone rock climbing
30. Seen Michelangelo’s David
31. Sung karaoke
32. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
33. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
34. Walked on a beach by moonlight
35. Been transported in an ambulance
36. Gone deep-sea fishing
37. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
38. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
39. Played in the mud
40. Gone to a drive in theater
41. Been in a movie
42. Visited the Great Wall of China
43. Started a business
44. Served at a soup kitchen
45. Sold Boy Scout popcorn
46. Gone whale watching
47. Gotten flowers for no reason
48. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
49. Gone sky diving
50. Bounced a check
51. Flown in a helicopter
52. Saved a favorite childhood toy
53. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
54. Eaten caviar
55. Pieced a quilt
56. Stood in Times Square
57. Been fired from a job
58. Broken a bone
59. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
60. Published a book
61. Had your picture in the newspaper
62. Read the entire Bible
63. Visited the White House
64. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (ahhh, those good ol' days of chicken farming...)
65. Had chicken pox
66. Saved someone's life
67. Sat on a jury
68. Met someone famous (does Ray Charles' tour bus driver count?)
69. Joined a book club
70. Lost a loved one
71. Had a baby
72. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
73. Been involved in a law suit

Show Biz.

So. Tonight was opening night. I have a lot of opinions, but right now the main thing want to say is that the show is incredible, both as a production and as an experience. I didn't even get stage fright! I get to wear all black and pretend that the audience doesn't exist. As far as my job is concerned, the stage is little more than memorizing (or using my cheat sheet discreetly, as is most often the case) cable numbers, scene numbers, and a bunch of routes and destinations for the "booms" that hold the lighting fixtures. I had hopes of earning a "Best Boy" title on the credits, or in the program. but I guess I'll have to settle for "Evan Embry", first name on the list of electricians.

Here's one cool thing though. I think I scored a 10' x 10' vinyl poster of Nosferatu!
I emailed the guy in charge of the posters about possibly getting a 3 x 5 (or something like that) poster. He said the departments had already claimed them all... but that no one wanted this 10 x 10 because it is just toooo big.

Sweet. I didn't ask for the vinyl because I figured it was too valuable or coveted for me to have a chance of getting it.

Anyway, aside from the fact that I am not really given due credit (actually I got my name corrected in the credits, just not the programs... the tangible... memorable programs.) I think it is well worth starving for lack of availability to work, the lack of time for homework hasn't hit yet. And rent isn't due for another week.

I gotta be more personable...

All my life I have been able to count the number of people I call Friend on one hand.
This is not another sob story about how I was deprived of social interaction growing up (but it's true). It may in some remote way have affected my concept of what a friend is, but if it did, it is in an entirely counter-intuitive way.

It's always been something that floats in and out of my awareness-- the fact that I don't pledge much concern to much of anyone but myself, but only recently have I begun to see the impact it has had.

When I speak of an "impact", being who I am, I'm referring to the negative effect that this has had on ME. I don't know why I'm so selfish and I honestly don't know if I can change that about myself. I would like to think it is possible, but I think in the end, it is mainly selfishness that motivates people. I am a very empathetic person, and I often do selfless things out of concern for others. But I'm not sure where I draw the line of things I would give up for someone else. That's probably why I have yet to land in a plain of understanding anywhere near the realm of the concept of matrimony... I dunno if that even makes any sense... suffice it to say, I don't understand why anybody my age would ever consider getting married... unless for selfish reasons, like a tax break or a double portion of government funny money "stimulus package". I can at least say that I'm not THAT selfish. but then again... maybe the reason I would never get married strictly for monetary gain (mutually agreed upon on by both parties) is because I know it wouldn't last, and then if I found someone with whom I could see myself, I wouldn't exactly have a clean record. so there's a level of selfishness in every choice I make.

So, with that little exploration of my psyche, I think I'm ready to address the topic of this post. wait... maybe not.

Like I said before, I don't consider people friends unless they are enough like me take on some sort of proxy role to facilitate my unconscionable preoccupation with self-indulgence. Self-indulgence by proxy. It's what I do. I have had "best friends" who are now pretty much just memories to me. I find it really easy to move on. I don't know if it's because after a while I forget about them-- who they were, how to interact with them. I feel like I wouldn't know what to say to them if we did talk again. I'm probably fooling myself, I'm just saying, I do a good job of that. Friends for me are there always, and even then I may not consider you a friend. some people I can know for years and never graduate them from "Acquaintance" (there's probably a better word, but I don't know it.

I'm really stingy with who I call friend. and I don't know why. I'll admit I am really judgmental, and snooty when it comes to who I deem smart, witty, funny, cool, interesting, etc. and someone has to possess an exceptional amount of one, or several of these things for me to befriend them. otherwise they are simply someone to talk to when there's no one else to talk to.

So why? why do I think I'm so much better than anyone else? I don't even live up to my own high standards, why do I demand that of others? And when they fall short of my standard, why do I feel like I'm being gracious to accept them anyway "despite their flaws".

I am only really severing myself from valuable insights and experiences. again, I remind you, I am only really looking at what's in it for me. Being accepting of others, being free with my praise and time and laughter and love would only widen my world of understanding. There are so many "Acquaintances" who might have been partners-in-crime, valuable connections, owners of insight and knowledge, and I have put them out of my circle. Just because I have always had a really small circle with not a lot of room. I think I need to expand my circle.

If I do this thing, I think I will get more friends, friends with connections and resources. or people with ideas I can borrow, off of whom I can bounce my own ideas...

I just need to work on letting down that imaginary fence that I raise between myself and people I don't know intimately.

Photographic Memory

I have this uncanny ability to recall entire conversations of no consequence, sometimes conversations in which I wasn't even involved. With a decent trigger/queue/catalyst/impetus I can recall the situation/context/person/place/thing surrounding it. I have a nearly 100% recollection ability. For some reason this doesn't work with many of my childhood memories. When my brother talks about things we did, I usually only remember bits and pieces of the event. But if it is something that I did on my own, I can remember everything down to what I was thinking before/as/after the thing happened. I would go so far as to say I have a videographic memory.

Once (while I was working in Alaska) my roommate asked me "who do we know who has a mole on his face?" after two minutes of filing through my mental snapshots of everyone in the "mutual friends" folder for me and my roommate I returned with the answer. I knew not only who it was, but which side of the face and exact location of the mole.

that surprised even me. I don't think I have an exceptional memory-- no wait-- I do. I don't think it is so much that my memory is great, so much as that I have learned exactly how it works and use that to my advantage.

But, the other day I realized that I was using my memory to my detriment.

I never realized how often I think of things in the abstract. I was doing homework and I recalled having written something down that related to the problem at hand, I spent 2 minutes recalling what it was I had written down and then realized later that I had the exact copy of my notes not 5 feet away from where I was studying. If I had used my memory to find the note itself, I would have saved myself a lot of effort by simply reaching over and grabbing the original note, instead of "replaying" the videographic memory of writing it down.

This happens a lot. I will be remembering something or thinking of something only to realize that I am in fact in possession of that item. Sometimes a shot in the dark seems more efficient than recollection. Since I rely so much on my memory, I sometimes slow myself down. If someone asks what I did with their pen I cue up the memory of having the pen, and fast-forward through my entire reaction with the pen and watch where I put the pen when I was done with it. sometimes this is great, because I put the pen in my jacket which is now in my backpack in my locker... somewhere I would have spent a lot of time to look for. other times I realize that it is in my pocket. Most people will automatically sift through their pockets for lost items like keys and pens... for me, that is the last place I check, and I'm a lot slower at those sort of answers than most people.

Sometimes I will be helping someone look for something and I will say "Ah! there it is!" to which my fellow lookers will reply "where?" as they watch me leave the room/building and come back with the item in my possession. "it was in the car/upstairs/entry...".

I think the fact that my head operates in this way is part of the reason I love film. It is counter intuitive to the way my memory/mind works. but it is for this reason that I find myself willing to suspend my disbelief. There are issues with improbabilities, or other fact-based reasons I will not allow a movie or show to do certain things... like tell me that the only way to kill a certain demon (sure, there's a demon I'm fine with the fact that there is a demon...) is with "a blade made of pure brass..." (WTF? "pure" brass? Brass is an alloy, imbecile) simply because it explains away something, or allows for the story to move forward(like in Supernatural, where the brothers kill a demon clown with a pipe from the organ in a circus fun house. How convenient that you had some "pure brass" handy...).

I am willing to let someone else recount the particulars of the story and tell it to me. I am fully willing to overlook the setup, and in the end I can appreciate the payoff. Even if there were clues all along. I fall for it a LOT, especially for being someone who knows how movies set things up, where and when it is most often done, and the ways that most plots play out. this ranges from thriller whodunits to romantic comedies, and everything in between.

I think, that since my mind opperates like a movie (linear documentation of events or linear playback recollection of events, even when experienced out of order (like Memento, or Lord of the Rings or Who is Cletus Tout?) I have a mind that works well on the MAKING of movies. as well as WATCHING movies. I can do both effectively. Guessing the end of a movie? not exactly my forte, I don't even think to consider it. writing a story and keeping track of when to tell what part? I can do that.

85 on 31....I'm flying.

I had the strangest dream last night.

It all started with almost everyone I have ever met in my life(okay not everyone, but some random people from my past), living with me in a studio apartment on the 4th floor of a run down building, I remember it was the 4th floor , but the height felt more like the 5th or 6th floor. The twisted wrought metal stairs were wobbly and seemed as if they were going to fall away from the building. I didn't spend much time in the apartment, but when I was in there, I kicked it in the hallway with a bunch of other people, some who are probably not even people I know, they were just people. There was a little crawlspace door in the hall that actually opened to the outside, so I would exit there and hang out on the balcony next to the chimney with chums. someone came home complaining about some bad meat they had at Bajio, Someone mentioned in passing that there was a conspiracy there to try to re-flavor rotten meat and keep it on the shelf.

I went shopping with a few friends but we ended up going to the theater instead, On the way home one of the girls I was with, stumbled fell on top of me and I couldn't get up. She thought it was funny and wouldn't get off. It wasn't necessarily romantic, but it wasn't exactly rape. anyway, I made some joke about the movie/play we had just seen and she kissed me. just real quick, but on the lips. I didn't know what to say or do. but I didn't really have to do or say anything because she immediately got all regretful, but not for making me feel awkward... because, she admitted, she was married.

"what?!"

there were a few witnesses but they turned toward home and put some distance between us and them after hearing the twist. We walked back to the house trying to decide what to do aboutt this situation but before you know it, we were home. I went to my spot in the hall and she stayed in the living room. but since we weren't done talking about it, she IM'd me.... kinda weird, but I must admit I've done it before (IM someone in the same general area as me, not kiss a married woman). She said "I don't think we should tell him. how about you?" I replied "well tell him, but make sure he understands that it was mindless and..." but she was already standing over me and she said "Let's go find him."

So we exited through the crawlspace door and descended the rusty, wobbly stairs. We seemed to be in chinatown or something but we eventually found the place where he worked. Bajio. His coworkers didn't want to look for him so we snuck in the back. it was a really creepy place, with lots of walk in freezers and filthy cleaning closets and the hallways were lit with flourescent lights on their last leg. it stunk like electrical fire (the ballast of the lighting?) and rotten meat (duh). We saw a bunch of people that looked like him, but no luck. we ran into a man who looked like Col. Mustard, from the board game Clue. He started yelling franticly that we weren't allowed in the back. we started looking through all the cabinets and saw some medical stuff that looked like it was being very poorly stored. I poked my head in a cleaning closet and opened a metal locker that was full of test tubes that were smeared with BBQ sauce, or blood. and there were green rubber gloves all over the place.

Just as we were realizing that we had found the hidden documents and research of the dreaded conspiracy that was going on at Bajio, we saw a figure emerge from an operating room wearing full haz-mat (hazardous material) gear. It turned out to be the girl's husband. He was delighted to see us, but our collective affect was pretty sullen. She said "I need to talk to you." I said "I'll just wait in here..." and entered a storage closet full of hotdog and hamburger buns (at bajio?). eventually I heard him, "WHAT?" and her, "Well what was I supposed to do?!" and my internal voice (huh?). He threw open the door and came toward me with his righht arm ready to punch my lights out. I said "hey man, I don't blame you. go ahead and hit me" He started to swing and I flinched and he stopped for a second. Then he drew back again and I flinched "go ahead and hit me, but just do it already" I said. He started crying and hugged me.

I told him I never intended for anything like that to happen. He told me that we were going to have to change our hanging out. I figured this meant we couldn't hang out anymore (me and his wife). But he said that I could only see her once a week till after Christmas, and I had one freebie, which meant that for one time, I could see here twice in one week.

As I left the restaurant (alone) I saw two Mexicans doing parkour over a chain link fence. I asked them if I could join them and they took off as fast as they could. I followed them, and we went down Paper St. (from Fight Club) and several parking garages, over several fences. we gained a few bodies in the "chase" that seemed like indians. We arrived at my place and sat down on the roof to watch the sunrise.

Then I woke up.

feel free to diagnose me, interpret my dreams, or otherwise comment on the questionable nature of my subconscious.
Please don't ask me for names of those involved in this story. I'll never say.