Monday, August 27, 2007

The Grind...

This is who I am?

Taken from MSN.com
With an acute attention to detail, the Virgo is the sign in the zodiac most dedicated to serving. Their deep sense of the humane leads them to care-giving like no other, while their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is missed. The Virgo is often gentle and delicate, preferring to step back and analyze before moving ahead.
Friends and Family: A Virgo is a helpful friend to have indeed. They are excellent at giving advice, and they really know how to problem solve. You'll find that a Virgo will remind you to take good care of yourself, as health is a focal point for them. And when the meal is done, they'll be the first to jump up and start the dishes. Loving and dedicated to family, the Virgo is also first on the scene when care is needed. When someone reaches old age or is ill, the Virgo will be there doing all that is needed. The Virgo is not known for showing their feelings. They prefer to show through deed than by word.
Career and Money: "I analyze" is the key phrase for the Virgo personality, while "practicality" is the keyword. Industrious, discriminating, and scientific by nature, the Virgo really knows how to get to the heart of the matter. They are exceptionally methodical and do well in jobs that require organization. If there's anything out of order, set a Virgo to the task! When focused on a task, the Virgo will push themselves to perfection, leaving no stone unturned. They are exacting and take great pride in a job done to the absolute best of their ability. When they feel their talent falls short, they'll turn to the books to learn whatever they need to improve. Careers suited to this sign include being a doctor, nurse, psychologist, teacher, writer, and critic.
Virgos are excellent with their money. They generally keep a strict grasp on what they spend, and strive to put away as much money as they can. They plan well in advance for expenditures, and when it comes to shopping, they aren't apt to overspend. Every now and then the Virgo can be seen buying themselves something of beauty, though. They love the arts and enjoy decorating their homes with taste.

Love and Sex: It's important for the Virgo lover to feel needed by their mates. Outside of the bedroom is where the majority of foreplay is going to happen for this sign. Tactile, methodical and willing to take as long as is needed, they make excellent lovers. Even though the Virgo won't express many words of love, they will show their affections in the bedroom. Virgos prefer to have a few strong connections rather than many partners. Life partners are chosen based on how important and needed the Virgo feels they are in their lives. They are dedicated spouses that love to live on the wild side once and a while.

VIRGO TIDBITS Virgo Birthdays: August 22 - September 22

Health: Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Virgo are the intestines, liver, pancreas, gall bladder, lower plexus, and the upper bowel.
Ruling Planet: The ruling planet for Virgo is Mercury. Representing intellectual urge and the avenue of expression, this planet rules reason, rationalization, words, awareness and communication. Its action is quick and it also deals with travel, speaking, writing, trade, and emotional capacity and technique.
Colors: The colors of choice for Virgo are green and dark brown.
Gemstone: Virgo's star stone is the sardonyx - the reddish brown variety.
Lucky Numbers: Virgo's lucky numbers are 2, 5, and 7.
Compatibility: Virgos are most compatible with Capricorn and Taurus.
Opposite Sign: The opposite sign for Virgo is Pisces.
The Perfect Gift: The best gifts for a Virgo are health-related items.
Likes: Animals, beauty, eating healthy, orderliness.Dislikes: Sloppiness, squalor, being wrong, chaos.
House: Natural sign of the Sixth House. This house focuses on health, habits, unconscious mind, service given, work, pets.
Famous Virgos: Stephen King, Charlie Sheen, Mother Teresa, Sophia Loren, and Mickey Mouse




Fact.

I have as of late been questioning my sanity.

What are you supposed to tell yourself when you wake up to an out of body experience? Not so much surreal as an out of body perception of stark, cold reality. How am I supposed to deal when it happens on a fairly regular basis? It’s the feeling that you’ve really not been present in your mind for some time, and that you are as much a stranger to yourself as possible.

I look down at my hands and muse over them… especially as I will them to twiddle. They do as I say! I’m evidently in total command of my body… so now what? What do I do with this responsibility? What did I do with it yesterday? The day before? Nothing notable… So, is each new day a continuation of an unremarkable existence? How have I managed to live one day at a time for 22 years? What have I got to show for it? These days, I wake up with a stranger, beside myself. Hit with that awkward feeling “where am I? How did I get here?” so what do I do? I pretend to know. I act like everything is hunky-dory. Let’s face it, if I admit that I have no idea who I am, I’d probably breakdown and cry… and then what a mess I would have on my hands. Instead of getting ready for work I’m dealing with hysterical sobbing fits, caught trying to be reassuring “of course you have something to live for! No, you’re not a (purposeless) tool… you’re really special…” no no, much better to smile and nod.

I’m not a TOTAL stranger to myself. Sure, I know where I bank, and usually have an idea of how much is in my account. But does any of that matter?
When I realize that I don’t have the faintest idea what I want out of my day, or how I feel about someone, or where I want to be tomorrow. I feel more like a robot. I’m searching for some input --some outside source of information-- on which to base my existence. But when its not there, I feel like I have no purpose.

So, I guess I thrive on dysfunction. I’m alive when there’s always something to be done, that’s my purpose. Kind of like a millhouse mule, Blinders on. “Just trudge over the ground in front of you.” I don’t have to contemplate on the meaning of life. There’s rent to be paid, library books to return, get the mail, fill car with gas, go11 through pockets 010011 before 01101 washing my laundry10110. Hell, when I’m done with that I might go swim1010ming or walk mindl10011essly around wal-mart for a couple1110001011 of10110110110110001100 hours.

1 comment:

Vero Awesome said...

Noooo, I said write MORE crap. Don't just delete stuff.